Bad Mother Day(s)

So the new job started this week and has been AMAZING in every aspect that I could have asked for. My boss is one of those amazingly strong wonder women who walk around spurting inspiration without any effort, it is such a  blessing to have a mentor in her. I have one of my oldest and dearest friends working with me, my own office and lots of freedom and space to grow this position in whichever way I choose. It’s stimulating, exhausting and never EVER boring. I honestly can’t say that this is the best gig I’ve ever had….I just hope the shine doesn’t wear off too soon b/c the first week was all sorts of sensational.

And with that, my little boy got sick..my first day of work…like super duper, coughing, feverish, “how-on-earth-will-his-little-body-survive-this” sick. Talk about worst timing EVER. And I made the decision to keep going to work everyday. My mom watched him during the day and my husband was my hero in shuttling my baby back and forth between his own meetings. Luckily, Auzi wasn’t that bad during the day, it was one of those croup-like viruses that really grow to scary proportions at night and you survive the night with small slits of rest only to wake up dazed in the morning, wondering if you dreamed up the whole night-mare.

But the guilt was crippling for me. As I went through my days having 6 meetings a day, meeting with photographs for my pictures and intros, setting up my office and getting the general lay of the land, every personal career affirmation or pride I felt was tainted with the “bad mother guilt”…even though I knew my son was in capable and loving hands, I could not shake the feeling of “what is WRONG with me….I should be at home with my baby”. Talking to numerous working moms, they all assured me that this was something that would have been inevitable and that my little family was stronger for having endured it my first week back at work. I hope they were right and that we’ve completed our Murphy’s Law quota for a long, long time.

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