contemplations

teaser.

Houston goodbyes left me so drained that the first few days in London felt so uplifting and free and exciting….

and then the homesickness kicked in. The novelty of a new city with no real contacts set in and the shine of London has worn off considerably…still exhilarating to step out into the city everyday and catch different trains and buses, but then realizing that this is supposed to replace homeย become home seems impossible.

The entire last month before leaving, I was determined not to cry and be weepy …until the last weekend. I vowed that if I held on until the end, I could be a complete mess and bawl my eyes out 18 times a day until the unbearable tightness in my heart would find loosen, giving me some relief. Yet, as the last days approached, I found myself unable to let go, there was too much to do, too many people around, too much fatigue…and too much restraint left my eyes watery for days without any real floods.

So I boarded the plane, leaving my homeland…my country of 26 years, my city of 13 years and my friends of infinite lifetimes…to come to a city of strangers. I don’t feel like a tourist but more like a potential buyer, full of suspicions, seeing too clearly all that is wrong with this place, and ready to flee without any real potential to buy…. except that I’ve already signed on the dotted line, already committed myself to 3 years here as an immigrant, at the very least.

Though I say all this, I know I will survive thrive… I just need a minute or two to fully mourn the loss of my home (because no matter what they say, once you stop living in a place, no matter how often you return, it will always be as a visitor and it s just ย not the same thing) and then I will, I will, I will bloom where I’m planted.

6 thoughts on “teaser.

  1. yes you will bloom because if theres anything that i have learnt about the human spirit in 33 years its that challenges make us thrive even if it is eventually. I think this will be a great adventure and homesickness aside the kind of growing and living and loving you will do in new air will take you by surprise to. I sincerely believe that about life and people like you.

    when you getting to k town?

  2. you are going to be just fine!! remember you have done this many times before, and inevitably there will be hard days but eventually your going to love it there, and no matter what happens you still have a gaggle of girlfriends from all parts of the world literally, that you can turn to for some comfort.

  3. Just remember that it’s a three year adventure – your “home” is always HERE, even if you reside somewhere else for the next twenty years. Houston isn’t going anywhere!!

    1. It is quite unfortunate that we didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. Between my surgery and your mother’s accident, it became close to impossible to coordinate anything. But I wish I could have given you the photo collage myself. It has pictures from your childhood in various places as a reminder that places only matter as long as you have your family with you. So I am sure you will make a new home in London albeit temporary and in no time you will back to Houston. But in the meantime, don’t forget to enjoy your time there.

  4. Darling Sara, I miss you. I’m glad you’re still blogging….I think I may end up joining you so we can keep up. Anthony and I hope to come visit you. Godspeed!

  5. thanks for your lovely words of encouragement, reassurance & most importantly, promises of visits…i’ll be sure to come back to this when i’m firmly ‘potted’ in England & will know that it’s no wonder that I succeeded with friends/family like you!

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